On Facebook the new craze is to write twenty-five random facts about yourself, share them with twenty-five friends, and then ask them to do the same. It's like a get-to-know-you exercise on virtual steroids. Anyway, a couple friends tagged me, and here were my facts:
1. I’ve broken six bones (right leg, left ankle, both wrists, clavicle, and right middle finger). After breaking my ankle last October, I walked on it for a week before seeing a doctor.
2. By contrast, I’ve only had stitches once. I was playing racquetball and my opponent hit me in the mouth, tearing open my upper lip. Demaree and I were dating at the time. When I told her of the injury, her first reaction was, “So, when are we going to be able to kiss?”
3. I’ve seen Pope John Paul II holding a guitar.
4. There are many cute kids in this world. Mine happens to be the cutest. Get over it.
5. I never finished high school. Got my GED instead.
6. I grew up in a village on the Aleutian Peninsula called Cold Bay. Average wintertime high: 32 degrees. Average summertime high: 45 degrees. Highest temperature ever recorded: 77 degrees (I remember because I got a sunburn from so much sun). Population: 85. I blame all my social problems on Cold Bay.
7. I’ve seen a bear eat a whale, and one of my dogs.
8. I didn’t like King of The Hill until I went to Texas and saw that people actually stand in their alleys drinking beer talking about football. Now I love King of The Hill.
9. I used to weigh 250 pounds. I now weigh 175. It’s as if I lost a whole cheerleader.
10. I’m married to an incredibly wonderful, talented woman. Why she condescended to marry me is a mystery.
11. My favorite book The Trial by Franz Kafka. I read it instead of studying for a psychology final one semester.
12. I’ve visited almost as many European nations as I have American states.
13. Demaree and I got the name Elliot from Law & Order SVU (one of the detectives is named Elliot Stabler). I’m going to name my first daughter Tristan, which was the name of my first dog. I loved that dog.
14. My favorite sport to play is squash. Yes, I’m a yuppie.
15. I skydive. Demaree is okay with this activity; however, she has informed me if I were to ever run with the bulls on Pamplona, she will divorce me. Yeah, I don’t get it either.
16. I’m a lawyer, which mean I work directly for the devil. Oddly, he takes less of my paycheck than the federal government.
17. My favorite food is pizza (Italian pizza that is). If they don’t have pizza in heaven, I won’t be attending.
18. Grizzly bears used to walk into my yard often. I would shoot them in the butt with a shotgun and watch them run away. Bears jiggle like Homer Simpson when they run.
19. When I was young, my brother Conrad and I would have contests to see who could vacuum the floor best. He let me win so mom would pick vacuuming as my permanent chore. Damn you, Conrad.
20. I speak Italian to my son. I have said maybe five English words to him since his birth.
21. I can see a food I’ve never tried before being made (yet never smell it) and know exactly how it will taste.
22. I have better friends than I have ever deserved.
23. While working with mentally retarded sex offenders, I was on the crisis team. This meant I was called when things really went south, bad. During my time as a crisis staff, I was spit on, peed on, sworn at, punched, kicked, gouged, and had to get in a tub with a naked, very slippery, very fat individual, and push him out by his buttocks, all in order to them restrain him while he lay naked on the carpet for thirty minutes screaming about what he would do to me when he got me alone. I can honestly say I enjoyed that job more than any other I’ve ever had.
24. I cry every time I speak with my mission president.
25. My favorite American is Teddy Roosevelt. No one else has ever lived a life that large.
Hope you enjoyed that little soiree in my soul. We'll post Demaree's when she gets around to putting pen to paper, as it were.